What makes you really mad?
What do you do with that anger? Especially as a woman, you may tell yourself that it is NOT okay to feel anger. But what would you say if I told you that your anger is IMPORTANT?
That’s right. Important.
Without your anger, the world just might be a darker place.
I’ll tell you what makes me mad. When I hear about the Catholic Church and other organizations that are spending millions of dollars fighting Statute of Limitations reforms to keep abuse victims from being able to seek justice, my blood starts boiling. I get pissed and my voice rises. I climb on my soap box to anyone who is willing to listen. Fighting SOL reform is not right! (Learn more here)
I used to think that getting good and mad about anything was dangerous. I had a hard time letting myself feel anger deeply, or much of anything else for that matter. I was afraid of my feelings; of living from the deep passions of my heart. Instead, I allowed fear to snuff the flames of my fervor. Sometimes Instead of listening to what I know to be true inside me, I allow my fear of rejection to quench my strong feelings about things.
It started when I was very young. When my grandfather did some horrible things to me at the age of three, I knew already that I could not tell anyone what I was feeling. By four, when my uncle continued the abuse, I shut myself up in my closet one day and told the “bad, dirty girl” that held these memories to stay there. She could NEVER come out and certainly not EVER tell anyone about the pain she felt.
Instead of learning to live from my heart, I learned to disconnect from it.
A big part of my healing process has been to reconnect to my passions. As I write and speak and work with others on their journey into wholeness, I am learning how to be fully present. And that means I am learning how to feel deeply, containing those feelings and channeling that emotion into a productive course. Instead of tucking tail and slinking into a corner, I have made a conscious decision to take my passion and change the world.
Are there days when my fear raises its ugly head and slows me down? Absolutely. But I have determined that I WILL live from my passion so I know that each battle will eventually be won. I won’t have it any other way.
When I hear about another idiotic Statute Of Limitations fight, I use my voice. I sign petitions and encourage my friends to as well. I make comments on articles and blogs. I write letters and make phone calls. I will not be silent.
As I plan my work and my time, I seek solitude and center myself in loving connection to my Creator and endeavor to be fully present to the person He made me to be. and then I endeavor to let all I do flow from the depths of my heart.
There are two things that are helping me to ascertain what my passions are at the moment. I am taking a course called Message to Money with Marisa Murgatroyd. Some of the questions she asks are:
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What was it that kept you up at night, dreaming and scheming and planning?
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What was it that got you so excited?
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Were you angry at the status-quo in some particular field and wanted to change it?
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What was your lowest point or greatest challenge?
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What big problem do you have a solution for?
The answers to these questions could help you clarify exactly what your passion is.
The other resource that is a great help is a book called Crafting a Rule of Life by Stephen Macchia. In the chapter called Desires, he asks:
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As you read or hear about the news of the day, what recent current affairs bring a tear of empathy or joy to your eye, and what frightens, appalls or concerns you about one such real-life situation?
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As you think back to your childhood, what experiences did you have that taught you- for good or ill- how to respond to the needs of others… How have these experiences affected the way your longings and values have been shaped today?
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What are the deepest desires and longings of your heart today? Without reservation, list all that come to your heart and mind…
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What matters most to you today? Without discrimination, list all that matter most to you- don’t hold back.
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Are your desires and core values in congruence with the way you are currently living? What would need to change in order for you to fully attend to your core values and the deepest desires of your heart?